9 Signs You Are The Problem In Your Relationship

Yet one other lengthy argument has taken place between you and your associate over one thing you two most likely gained’t even bear in mind subsequent week. Hurtful issues have been mentioned, tears have been shed, it’s awkward to now head to the dinner reservation that you just had made and, maybe you’re questioning, “Am I the problem in my relationship?”

It’s usually after the robust tide has handed that one realizes that one may very well be within the flawed. Usually, when your emotions overcome you that a lot, it’s onerous to achieve perspective and company over your personal feelings when all you need to do is really feel seen and heard by your associate. But then slowly it hits you that they may have been proper, and maybe, it’s you that should make some modifications. 

So earlier than it’s too late, the best way to inform in case you are the issue in a relationship? Counseling psychologist Kavita Panyam (Masters in Psychology and worldwide affiliate with the American Psychological Association), who has been serving to {couples} work via their relationship points for over 20 years, provides insights into the indicators to look out for.

How Do I Know If I’m The Problem In My Relationship? 9 Signs

Being excessively needy, blame-shifting on the drop of a hat and even one thing so simple as ignoring all of your family chores in a live-in relationship may very well be one of many causes your reply to ‘am I the problem in my relationship?’ is a sure.

Kavita tells us, “Being possessive, clingy, jealous or excessively argumentative are obviously some of the signs. But even being codependent and trying to be their whole and sole person can make things go awry in your relationship.”

Reading this and considering to your self, “What if I am the problem in my relationship?” Well, in all honesty, you might be. But that’s what we’re right here for. Not to ridicule you or level any fingers. But that will help you acknowledge some troublesome behaviors that you could be not have realized however may very well be destroying your relationship. 

1. It’s my method or the freeway 

In each relationship – there may be normally one one that calls many of the pictures for the sake of comfort and concord. It is usually the person however in a female-led relationship, the roles are reversed. Whoever it could be, they do it in order that each may be in examine but additionally joyful. However, in case you begin abusing that proper, you might be an enormous downside in your relationship. 

Tiffany Boone, a lawyer, had this downside together with her boyfriend, Jeremy. Having him being the steering wheel of this relationship, Tiffany used to belief Jeremy with all the things. But ultimately, issues began turning into poisonous as Jeremy started to stroll throughout what Tiffany wished. Even commitments like assembly Tiffany’s mom for dinner have been unfulfilled simply because Jeremy selected to not. From selecting their residence’s wallpaper to what number of youngsters they have been planning to have, Tiffany felt like she by no means had a say anymore. 

If you might be studying this and really feel like a Jeremy in your personal relationship, you is perhaps proper about your ‘Am I the problem in my relationship?’ hunch. Take it from Tiffany, this generally is a distressing expertise on your associate. This is your signal that it’s time to let go of the reins a bit of bit.

Related Reading: I’m emotionally drained because my wife uses our private arguments to criticise me in public

2. Failure to carry your self accountable 

“Why am I always the problem in my relationship?” Asking this query itself may very well be the beginning of your issues. Clearly, you’re being evasive and never prepared to be accountable for what you is perhaps doing flawed. This very thought course of can drive a relationship downhill. 

Your associate must know that you just worth your connection way more than simply at all times eager to be proper. In reality, in case you have a tough time saying sorry, Kavita suggests, “There are some ways to resolve an issue with out saying sorry. There are different appropriate methods to apologize and reassure your associate that you’ll not repeat your errors. 


how to tell if you are the problem in a relationship
Your ‘Am I the problem in my relationship?’ hunch is correct in case you assume you might be unable to come clean with your errors

3. Am I the issue in my relationship? Yes, in case you have mood points

Feeling strongly about being ill-treated is one factor. But utilizing that as an excuse to throw a tantrum or perhaps a vase for that matter factors to one thing extra critical. If you’re feeling such as you unduly ill-treat your associate by yelling at them an excessive amount of, cursing them or have had cases of home abuse, then therein lies the reply to the best way to inform in case you are an issue in your relationship. 

Kavita says, “A little anger in relationships is healthy for it helps you understand what is truly going wrong. But when anger is backed by aggression in terms of verbal assault or physically throwing things at somebody, that is a problem. There may be an internal rage in you owing to your childhood and coming from a dysfunctional family. This can lead to trust issues, intimacy issues and lower your self-esteem and even fear in those around you.”

4. You preserve a score-card of errors within the relationship 

Dylan Kwapil, a software program engineer, has been married to Grace for about 4 years now. While attempting to unravel the overall unrest they’re feeling of their relationship these days, Dylan realized one thing: they begin blaming one another for previous errors in each argument. 

“I just don’t understand why am I always the problem in my relationship? Every time I bring up something that Grace does wrong, she turns the tables on me and will narrate the laundry list of my mistakes throughout our relationship. I can’t take this constant blaming anymore, it is harrowing. I’m tired of apologizing, I wish she would see her own mistakes too.” 

While combating over an issue, one would possibly rapidly deflect from the difficulty at hand and as a substitute deliver up all the opposite occasions once they felt damage. As essential as it’s so that you can categorical your emotions to your associate, don’t make an inventory of their shortcomings and throw it at them each time they accuse you fo doing one thing flawed.

Related Reading: 6 Harmless Mistakes In A Relationship That Are Actually Harmful

5. Not having any boundaries or having partitions which can be too excessive

Kavita says, “Lack of emotional boundaries or very high barricades can be a major problem in any relationship. Perhaps you spill everything too much or others have a hard time reaching out to you. Either of these situations can drastically affect your personal life. This can even lead one to develop an avoidant personality or avoidant attachment.” 

A relationship thrives on a wholesome move of communication, feelings and affections. If one has a tough time managing these, it’s a adequate motive so that you can have these ‘I think I am the problem in my relationship’ pangs. It’s time to work issues out and swing in a contented medium that permits you to categorical your self appropriately. 

6. Your psychological well being is making you ask, ‘Am I the problem in my relationship?’

What if I’m the issue in my relationship? You may very well be in case you assume you want some assist. When your personal psychological well being is hanging by a unfastened thread, it’s onerous to reside as much as another person’s expectations and be an excellent associate to them. To be within the headspace for a relationship takes extra than simply butterflies in your abdomen. When you’re depressed, you’re feeling inactive and that may result in you being a much less concerned associate.

On the opposite finish, when you’ve anxiousness, your overthinking and dating anxiety struggles can eat you to the purpose the place you might be unable to manage. If such is the case, don’t drive your self via a ‘right person wrong time’ state of affairs. Put your self first and permit your self to heal earlier than you get too concerned with anyone else. 

7. You’ve stopped making any actual efforts 

Relationships are lots of work. Not each day is a romantic sizzling air balloon experience however most days ought to really feel simply pretty much as good as one. Over time, it’s doable for a bit of boredom to creep into your relationship and for issues to appear mundane. However, the connection solely disrupts whenever you cease engaged on it. So in case you’re curious, ‘What if I am the problem in my relationship?’, then take into consideration how a lot effort you place into your relationship every day.

Are you concerned in your associate’s life? Are you planning with them? Do you discuss to them typically? And is the intercourse nonetheless good? Just a few bumps alongside the highway are simply advantageous. But in case you see this relationship slipping out of your palms and also you’ve grown detached to the identical, then the issue is perhaps with you not attempting onerous sufficient to make issues work. Keeping a relationship afloat requires persistence each day and complacency in a relationship generally is a scary factor.

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8. Constantly evaluating your relationships with others 

“But Ricardo took Gwen to Miami last week! Why can’t we ever have any fun like that?” 


“Wanda and Oleg make adorable Instagram reels together. You never even take cute pictures with me” 

Or probably the most dreaded, 

“Olivia’s engagement ring is way bigger than mine. You never go all out for me.” 

If you typically sound near any of those examples, properly then, you have been proper to ask the ‘am I the problem in my relationship’ query. Love is about celebrating one another and understanding totally different sides of one another’s personalities each step of the way in which. Yes, Instagram aesthetics, social media and what you inform the world about yourselves do matter however not sufficient to make the opposite individual really feel insufficient. 

We wager that your priorities on this relationship are a bit of off. You don’t know half of Olivia’s love life, so there’s no level bringing her up and messing up your personal. Talk to your associate in case you really feel invalidated however don’t do it as a result of your rock isn’t as shiny. 

Related Reading: Stop Comparing Yourself With Your Partner For A Healthy Relationship

9. Insecurities result in ‘I think I am the problem in my relationship’ mindset

Kavita says, “Insecurity is the most important motive for issues not going properly in your paradise. If your personal self-esteem is low, you’ll by no means be capable to do sufficient to maintain a connection. Even although a connection could also be previous, equations preserve altering and are created by each individuals. 

“Feeling insecure can hamper that and destroy your sense of belongingness to another person. There is a good chance this problem is rooted in your childhood and your attachment style and response patterns.” 

Not solely does this exacerbate your personal downward spiral and questions of ‘am I the problem in my relationship?’ but additionally results in intimacy points along with your associate. You typically really feel suspicious of your associate, discover foolish causes to doubt them and are at all times on the sting of your seat on this relationship. Being a recipe for a failed romance, it’s time to consider how typically you show these insecure behaviors. 

If one or a few of these traits have resonated with you, take a deep breath reasonably than overthink ‘why am I always the problem in my relationship?’. The first step to a contented relationship is realizing the issue. Now that you recognize what goes flawed, you’ll be able to face it head-on and work towards it. Bonobology has a variety of counselors who’re solely a click on away and can be joyful to information you thru the identical.

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